I know it’s late and technically Tuesday… but would it really be Manic Monday if I managed to get it posted on time? 😂
So let’s recap the past week.
The new school year started.
Doctors appointments.
One child having a procedure that was scheduled today.
Advocating for Louie—because let’s be honest, unless you’re living this life, you don’t even know how much of a full-time job that is by itself.
It’s not something you get a break from.
It’s constantly checking in. Constantly making sure your child’s needs are being met. Constantly asking questions, making phone calls, sending messages, attending meetings, explaining things that shouldn’t have to be explained again, and making sure the people caring for your child actually see your child.
Then there’s Kalli.
Three days into the school year and she immediately gets the sniffles, and now I’m over here praying it doesn’t turn into another hospital stay because little ma’am already doesn’t breathe the way everyone else does.
So, naturally, I’m trying to make sure everything else gets taken care of too.
Including cleaning the house that just spent an entire summer being destroyed by two teenage boys, two neurodivergent boys, and one terroristic toddler.
At some point, I decided this was the week to just throw everything out.
Because apparently nobody is wrapped around my leg while I’m trying to clean, and nobody is fighting me to keep a piece of paper with one line drawn on it from six years ago.
Progress. 😂
And then I realized that somewhere in all of the chaos of summer, the toddler has apparently drawn on almost every wall in the house with a pencil.
Because seriously, Kall?
WHEN THE HELL DID YOU FIND THE TIME TO DO THAT?!
Somehow, in between everything else, I’ve also taken on another responsibility caring for a family member.
I’ve looked at the next two months of appointments and realized I’m going to need an advanced degree in scheduling just to keep track of everyone.
And then there was another realization:
Shit. We’ve hit the “ber” months.
Which means Kalli’s birthday, three out of the four boys’ birthdays, and ALLLLLL of the holidays that now need to be prepared for.
Because apparently life looked at my calendar and said, “You seem like you could handle a little more.”
And somewhere in all of that, I looked around and realized…
I am nowhere near where I thought I would be by this point in my life.
Sometimes that realization hurts.
Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I work, how much I do, how many things I juggle, or how badly I want to get there, I’m still going to be working toward it for a while.
And honestly?
That’s exhausting too.
But then I remember to be grateful.
Because even though I’m not where I thought I would be, I’m also not where I was.
I’ve come a hell of a long way.
And when I look past the mess, the appointments, the paperwork, the schedules, the laundry, the walls covered in toddler artwork, and the never-ending list of things that need to be done…
There’s a whole lot of life happening here.
It’s getting pictures of my children doing the things they love.
It’s getting messages from people I barely know telling me how kind, helpful, and wonderful my children are.
It’s watching Louie’s care team love him and fight for him just as fiercely as I do.
It’s watching my kids grow into their own people.
It’s the laughter.
The chaos.
The exhaustion.
The ridiculous conversations.
The moments that make me want to pull my hair out and the moments that make me stop and think, damn… I really get to be their mom.
And maybe that’s the reminder I needed this week.
This life is fragile.
You only get one.
So live it.
Take up all the space you need.
Experience it from your own perspective.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment.
And live in every moment you possibly can.
Because someday, I’m going to look back at this house covered in laundry, fingerprints, pencil drawings, toys, appointments, schedules, and chaos…
And I’m probably going to miss it.
So yeah.
It’s exhausting.
It’s messy.
It’s chaotic.
It’s nowhere near perfect.
But it’s mine.
It’s life.
And somehow, in the middle of all this madness, there’s still so much beauty in it.